Hockey Pools well I still am looking for the piece to the puzzle that will put me a bit higher...all in vain, sigh. So in that light I will put down in words absolutely nothing to do with hockey cause I'm at a loss as to what to say.
That being said I will rant about a few things that have pissed me off over the years..
How many of you watched "I dream of genie" as a teenager? That genie was friggin hot! The only wish I had was for her to make me small so I could jump in the bottle with her and just wear her the fuck out.
Speaking of that, I have bone to pick with God. Think about this...Adam and Eve...Close your eyes and picture this...there they are in the beautiful garden doing nothing but doggie, the gut cruncher, the monkey and any other postion they wanted to. Honestly what a life, eating, sleeping, and fucking all day until that skank had to climb up the tree and munch on the apple. Then the world went to shit. So in God's mind he says...Hey bitch, I told you not to eat that shit, yet here you are up my fucking tree chewing on the Granny Smith! What the fuck? Are you stupid? Ok, now Im pissed, so what kind of punishment can I give you....snicker snicker...ok I got it! Every 28 days, give or take Im gonna make you bleed! What he failed to say was along with this glorious affliction he was going to give the ladies PMS. Come on God, What the fuck is that? Why you punishing the Dudes? So once a month your lovely hot wife turns into a freakish creation bordering on a cross between frankenstein, Bobby Knight, a serial killer, a doberman, a possesed cabbage patch kid and the fucking devil on acid. WHY??? Cause da bitch climbed the tree! Not me!! Fuck me, thanks God! I really needed that. Now you all know why guys drink!
I heard someone talking about air conditioning and how it was not natural...stupid fucking engineer can make cloned sheep but air conditioning is not natural? What the hell, I mean its just a solution to a problem...its hot, you turn on a switch, its now cool! Kinda like the time I was hungry, so I ate..you know that full satisified feeling? Idiot. Another one for "Thin the heard day".
Best t-shirt I seen recently...A big dude about 350lbs, wearing a shirt that said "I whipped Anexoria's Ass".
Note to kids...if you get a drive to school from your mommy, you ain't a punk, pull your friggin pants up...Ya comes to my house for a date with my daughter I'll be pullin out my nail gun and will nail em to your stomach.
More stupid thoughts...I remember the day I finally figured out what "WWJD" means...it means What would Jesus Do...this was a bumper sticker I saw...My first thought? Was to write underneath it..."For a Klondike Bar" :-). The best one on a dirty vehicle? "i wish my wife was this dirty" :-)
If drunks can sue bars that provide them the alcohol, then why cant fat people sue candy stores?
So way back in 1985 Trooper was in the Airborne regt and was on exercie down in Quantico Va. After the odd beer (1,5, 27) Trooper jumped on the table in this Jarhead bar and stated in a not so frightening voice "Show me the biggest Jarhead and I'll show you the biggest Chicken". Well honest to God this friggin monster stands up....Ya'll see Independance day? Remember when that big black guy runs to stop him from stealing the chopper? Well dude was bigger than that. I swear, he walks up my table...again while Im standing on it and dude looks me in the eye, I swear he was beast! He says "I guess I'm the biggest Jarhead" My only answer to that was..."And Im the biggest chicken" Thank you Jesus that dude had a good sence of humor! Anyway it was a good night of drinking :-)
My final peeve for the day...You all know my last name, the thing that really pisses me off if when someone asks me...where is that from? My first answer? From my father. Then they laugh (idiots) and say no what country is that from...My answer...Canada.
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